yesterday, i was considering taking some time off to review the year and make some plans for 2025. then, i received an email from david spink, one of my favorite weekly newsletters, where he discussed this almost mythical "new year's resolution" and how to go about it differently this time.

i found it both very resonating and quite eye-opening. in the email, he shares a free notion documentation to follow through and start warming up for the new year. he said this exercise takes a couple of weeks, so i've already started with the first chapter: reviewing the year.

the main difference is that we tend to go for the things that are far outside of us (based on who we are currently), and then we make sure to harass ourselves constantly to go get them and judge ourselves at the end of the year on how well we match with what we set out to do.

in his version, he says that instead of trying to expand through outward goals - which usually stem from satisfying those nasty emotional wounds such as not being enough, not feeling belong, and so on. he says start with getting to know where you're at by discovering your essence, who you are as much as you can, and from there, ascend above through expansion *

in short, it's all about choosing between becoming first and then having it vs going for "having it" first, then finding out, to your surprise, who the hell you became during the process! which is a whole other topic of discussion :)

watching cartoons during breakfast. i enjoy it just as much as i did when i was a kid. jetsons just ended, and now i'm starting the wonderful adventures of nils. and to preserve that innocence and those lofty feelings, i am absolutely, not binge-watching. no way, never.

the year was 2011, as soon as i heard about this play "richard iii" coming to istanbul which kevin spacey and sam mendes involved in, i started making plans to get two student tickets. *

tickets were going on sale at 10 am, so if i took the first bus at 6, i'd be able to join the queue. i overslept. i woke up at 8. i was devastated. i was so angry i nearly cried when i got up. but still, i managed to arrive early, thinking i could comfortably get in line... i was crushed to see at least 200 people ahead of me.

i kept counting the people in the queue while biting my nails, but refused to give up, so i waited. my love and i both really wanted to see the play, partly because of our admiration for both kevin spacey and sam mendes and partly because i dabble in amateur theater myself.

i made friends in the queue for 2 hours. i constantly tried to get news from the front of the line. finally, the moment came, the queue started moving. people started passing through, showing their tickets. there were 100 people left ahead of me. i could see the box office at last, but suddenly people started turning back. "tickets are sold out," was what we heard.

of the 100 people ahead of me, only two protested while the others dispersed, and the box office clerk called for the officials. after one or two phone calls, it turned out that the tickets weren't actually sold out, and there were even 30-40 tickets left. the box office was going to reopen. by this time, there were only 10 people ahead of me! the box office reopened, the 10 people in front of me each got their tickets, and i easily moved forward and got our two student tickets.

when we saw "row:3 seat:9" on our student ticket, my love and i joked, "they must have counted the seats from the back," and started waiting for the day. even if it was the 3rd row from the back, we'd be extremely happy, so we didn't even think about the ticket's location.

the day came, and the hall was in sight. almost everyone at the door was someone familiar from either tv or cinema. under normal circumstances, i'd bend over backward to talk to them if i saw them on the street, but i walked in without caring. *

i asked about the 3rd row. the staff gave us directions that almost made me lose my mind right there. the excitement was already at its peak; i was going to watch shakespeare performed by kevin spacey, and i was going to experience this from the 3rd row, in front!!

we were going crazy with happiness, but when we asked the people on the right and left, they said they paid crazy amounts plus used their influential connections to get those. we were going to die of happiness. we got them for dead cheap; we later learned that it was a favor from kevin spacey for students to afford the play.

the play started, the minor changes in kevin spacey's opening monologue and the images of current events in the background hinted at how the team interpreted richard iii. i watched the first act with my mouth watering.

but i couldn't get into the bootleg scene; i took a few photos and put my phone down when i made eye contact with kevin. at the end of the act, kevin spacey exited the stage by directly pointing out a spectator in the front rows. immediately, 15-20 staff members rushed in, the hall doors were closed, etc. apparently, someone was recording with a camera, and kevin spacey had seen them from the stage. an announcement was made, stating, "if a similar situation is noticed by the actors, the performance will be canceled."

the second act flowed by like water. i don't have the audacity to critique the play. let me just say this much: with this cast, this play has reached the pinnacle of theater. the music, the set, the costumes, the interpretation were all outstanding. the actors were beyond words. can a role fit a person this well?

i swear if kevin spacey came down from the stage and said, "i was actually richard iii, i've been fooling you all these years, i'm immortal," i would have believed it, to that extent. *

the things that stayed with me from the play: of course, the legendary "a horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!" monologue, the actor playing henry tudor almost falling on stage, lord stanley's acting, the dialogue between lady anne and richard on stage, the ritual-like ceremony performed by all the actors playing drums on stage, and the perfect gray uniforms worn by the actors.

most importantly, due to the structure of the play, richard frequently interacted with the audience. i even saw kevin spacey looking directly at me sometimes, what more could i want??

tldr; those who left the line when they heard the tickets were sold out made the mistake of their lives. if they had waited, they would have seen the play. seeing kevin spacey in person from 10 meters away with direct interaction is already very rare, and the organizers made it even harder for everyone. this is one of those memories i'll cherish forever.

edit: it didn't seem this long when i was writing.*
the year was 2011, as soon as i heard about this play "richard iii" coming to istanbul which kevin spacey and sam mendes involved in, i started making plans to get two student tickets. *

tickets were going on sale at 10 am, so if i took the first bus at 6, i'd be able to join the queue. i overslept. i woke up at 8. i was devastated. i was so angry i nearly cried when i got up. but still, i managed to arrive early, thinking i could comfortably get in line... i was crushed to see at least 200 people ahead of me.

i kept counting the people in the queue while biting my nails, but refused to give up, so i waited. my love and i both really wanted to see the play, partly because of our admiration for both kevin spacey and sam mendes and partly because i dabble in amateur theater myself.

i made friends in the queue for 2 hours. i constantly tried to get news from the front of the line. finally, the moment came, the queue started moving. people started passing through, showing their tickets. there were 100 people left ahead of me. i could see the box office at last, but suddenly people started turning back. "tickets are sold out," was what we heard.

of the 100 people ahead of me, only two protested while the others dispersed, and the box office clerk called for the officials. after one or two phone calls, it turned out that the tickets weren't actually sold out, and there were even 30-40 tickets left. the box office was going to reopen. by this time, there were only 10 people ahead of me! the box office reopened, the 10 people in front of me each got their tickets, and i easily moved forward and got our two student tickets.

when we saw "row:3 seat:9" on our student ticket, my love and i joked, "they must have counted the seats from the back," and started waiting for the day. even if it was the 3rd row from the back, we'd be extremely happy, so we didn't even think about the ticket's location.

the day came, and the hall was in sight. almost everyone at the door was someone familiar from either tv or cinema. under normal circumstances, i'd bend over backward to talk to them if i saw them on the street, but i walked in without caring. *

i asked about the 3rd row. the staff gave us directions that almost made me lose my mind right there. the excitement was already at its peak; i was going to watch shakespeare performed by kevin spacey, and i was going to experience this from the 3rd row, in front!!

we were going crazy with happiness, but when we asked the people on the right and left, they said they paid crazy amounts plus used their influential connections to get those. we were going to die of happiness. we got them for dead cheap; we later learned that it was a favor from kevin spacey for students to afford the play.

the play started, the minor changes in kevin spacey's opening monologue and the images of current events in the background hinted at how the team interpreted richard iii. i watched the first act with my mouth watering.

but i couldn't get into the bootleg scene; i took a few photos and put my phone down when i made eye contact with kevin. at the end of the act, kevin spacey exited the stage by directly pointing out a spectator in the front rows. immediately, 15-20 staff members rushed in, the hall doors were closed, etc. apparently, someone was recording with a camera, and kevin spacey had seen them from the stage. an announcement was made, stating, "if a similar situation is noticed by the actors, the performance will be canceled."

the second act flowed by like water. i don't have the audacity to critique the play. let me just say this much: with this cast, this play has reached the pinnacle of theater. the music, the set, the costumes, the interpretation were all outstanding. the actors were beyond words. can a role fit a person this well?

i swear if kevin spacey came down from the stage and said, "i was actually richard iii, i've been fooling you all these years, i'm immortal," i would have believed it, to that extent. *

the things that stayed with me from the play: of course, the legendary "a horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!" monologue, the actor playing henry tudor almost falling on stage, lord stanley's acting, the dialogue between lady anne and richard on stage, the ritual-like ceremony performed by all the actors playing drums on stage, and the perfect gray uniforms worn by the actors.

most importantly, due to the structure of the play, richard frequently interacted with the audience. i even saw kevin spacey looking directly at me sometimes, what more could i want??

tldr; those who left the line when they heard the tickets were sold out made the mistake of their lives. if they had waited, they would have seen the play. seeing kevin spacey in person from 10 meters away with direct interaction is already very rare, and the organizers made it even harder for everyone. this is one of those memories i'll cherish forever.

we witnessed yet another historic engineering miracle. they managed to stop a massive rocket, 70 meters tall and 9 meters in diameter, in mid-air and catch it using two arms mounted on a tower.

and while doing this, we watched the entire adventure, including the one-hour journey 200 km above the earth, in full hd. (see: here you go)thanks to the hundreds of satellites they've placed into low orbit over the years, all communication was handled via starlink.

we saw the cheers of hundreds of young engineers. that joy wasn't just about witnessing history, it was about making history.

he is a next-level podcaster. the 'blueprint for armageddon' series starts with the assassination of archduke franz ferdinand of austria-hungary. but the guy never slips up, no errors in his storytelling. he adjusts his voice, tone, and emphasis so perfectly that you find yourself in the trenches of the battle of verdun, under the hail of machine-gun fire shooting 200 rounds per minute over your head.

the only downside is that this isn't the kind of podcast you can just play in the background for some casual noise. it demands full attention, or you'll miss the tactic that won the battle in a flash.

if you like history, you should definitely give it a listen.

this happened ages ago, i'd made plans to go to the tribeca film festival with a friend i met online. we exchanged phone numbers on msn and set a date for the film.

the next day, an hour before the meeting, i called to check our status. the phone was busy. i figured he must be working. while heading towards the cinema, i called again, still busy. i tried three or four more times, always busy.

after about five or six failed attempts, i was convinced i'd been ditched. my inner monologue went into overdrive, drafting the righteous lecture i'd deliver on messenger the next day. i started with responsibility, moved on to basic respect for others, and the more i thought about it, the angrier i got. my imagined speech got harsher with each step toward the cinema.

i'm walking to the cinema, fuming, when an unknown number calls. "hey, what's up? i'm at the cinema." i was completely stunned. my entire dramatic narrative just fell apart. then i checked the number i'd been calling. turns out, the number i saved from msn was my own number. yup, i'd been angrily calling myself the whole time.

sometimes i pull such epic stupidity and then get mad about it. sorry not sorry :/

today, he won the world chess championship against liren ding, and not only that but also put his name in history as the youngest person to be titled such. wow, i just found out he became a grandmaster at the age of 13! if anyone wants to play that epic game that happened between the two, here's the link.

wondering here, am i the only one thinking chess should be in the olympics as well? my argument is simple: if the olympics celebrate pushing the limits of one's body parts, why doesn't the brain count as a body part too?

if only they could stop treating every subject like a scientific case, they might actually succeed in fitting into society to some extent. as camus said, the world is absurd and doesn't align with rationality. what they're doing is like dissecting the laws of physics in a cartoon. yet, if you approach the world with the mindset of a child, embracing the absurdity and integrating it, you'll find joy. but every time you question the nonsense, you're pulled deeper into loneliness and depression.

an intj is often alone; even those who manage to blend in with society have a world inside their heads that includes only their own understanding, no one else. subjecting widely accepted societal principles and values to a rational filtering mechanism and mocking them isn't a common practice.

so, from the start, society positions them as "different," which inevitably leads to experiencing social interactions in ways that are unlike anyone else's. those who keep these thoughts to themselves feel the weight of social pressure, while those who boldly voice them are seen as cold or rebellious because they perceive themselves as being on a different plane from others.

if this opposition to the values that shape modern society isn't controlled, it can morph into an overwhelming ego, leading to the destructive depths of isolation. i'm not talking about the kind of loneliness where you can't grab a few beers with friends, that's easy, you can fit in for a while.

what i mean is not a lack of people around you, but the gap in understanding between you and them. it's the kind of isolation where you know you can't communicate what you feel, and you have to bottle up the topics that excite you so intensely because you know others will remain indifferent.

this is precisely why, in a tyranny where the abnormal is considered normal and the majority oppresses the minority, an intj's unmet need for the basic human desire of "being understood" drives them to despise society.

it's an incredibly educational show. there are many lessons to take away for both kids and adults.

--spoiler--
as mentioned above, the series features many strong female characters. take 'katara,' for instance. she's one of the strongest characters, not just among the women but in the entire show. toward the end of the first season, our heroes travel to the northern water tribe to learn from the great waterbending masters there. but as soon as they arrive, they encounter a backward mindset.

the male masters refuse to teach katara because she's a girl. according to their system, girls can only use waterbending for healing. katara can't stand such a senseless and primitive view, so she stands up to the system on her own, and she's not afraid to challenge one of the tribe's most talented waterbending masters in the process.

the show also doesn't engage in shallow political correctness by just writing strong female characters for the sake of it. for example, through 'azula,' it presents a brilliant female villain, a character type we're only just starting to see these days. it shatters the ridiculously naive idea that 'if women ruled the world, everything would be sunshine and rainbows.' the show bluntly tells us, 'whether you're a man or a woman, unchecked power will eventually corrupt you.' when you think you've got everything under control, all you'll really have is loneliness, with nothing but your insatiable ego and ambitions by your side.

through 'sokka,' the show praises logic and science. in one episode, our heroes come across a village where everyone believes whatever the local fortune-teller says. even though the nearby volcano is showing signs of erupting, no one believes it because the fortune-teller said nothing bad will happen this year. but in the end, they see that sokka's rational warnings were right. with aang's help, the village is saved from being buried under volcanic ash.

'toph' teaches us that our limitations don't have to hold us back. as a blind earthbender, she's incredibly strong in every sense. the fact that she can't see doesn't stop her from becoming the only living metalbender. she's an amazing character who even makes fun of her blindness and is totally at peace with her 'disability.'

'zuko' shows us that we can change. he teaches us that we can't betray evil; we can only fight against it. zuko's transformation isn't a betrayal, it's a redemption. by changing, he saves not just the fire nation but the entire world. his journey is one of the deepest in tv history.

and then we meet one of the greatest characters in tv history, zuko's uncle, iroh. he could command armies, yet his favorite thing in the world is simply making tea. he reminds us that power and authority are overrated lies. to him, nothing compares to the joy of a good cup of tea. he's a man with a heart so big he helps everyone but couldn't save his own son. he holds no one responsible for his son's death, and he bears no grudges. he mourns at his son's grave with a deep, quiet sorrow.

and then we come to our avatar, aang. what can be said about him? despite his extraordinary power, he never uses it for evil. he could make the world bow before him, but that means nothing to him. his purpose is different. he chooses to be with his loved ones over ruling the world.

what makes him happiest is dancing wildly. what makes him laugh is sokka's terrible jokes. what fascinates him in this world is katara, and what matters most to him is soaring freely in the sky on appa. when he faces his greatest enemy, his only concern isn't whether he can defeat him but that he doesn't want to have to kill him. that's all that worries him. even if his enemy is a villain sworn to bring evil to the entire world, aang chooses to preserve life, not take it.
--spoiler--

avatar is an amazing animated series that can make you laugh out loud, move you deeply, and keep you excited at all times. on top of everything, it's such a well-made show that it's one of the few you can watch with your child without getting bored. it's not easy to appeal to people of all ages and genders. so no amount of praise for this series will ever be enough.

it's january 2004. lloyd braun, the top executive at abc back then, came up with an idea and ordered a tv show script based on it. the show would be about a group of people stranded on an island after a plane crash. however, braun wasn't happy with the script, so he reached out to j.j. abrams, the creator of alias at that time, and asked him to write a new pilot script.

initially, abrams thought the concept wasn't suitable for a tv series, but he eventually got to work, convincing the producer that the island couldn't be just any "normal" island. partnering with producer damon lindelof, abrams filmed the pilot episode in a brief 12 weeks.

the result? lost's pilot became the most expensive in tv history, with a budget of 12 million dollars! braun, having greenlit such an expensive project, was fired from abc. as you know, lost turned into one of the greatest commercial and critical successes in tv history. abrams solidified his reputation as television's (and then cinema's) golden boy.

as for braun, the man who first discovered the show, he ended up accepting yahoo's job offer after he asked this question to his kids "whether they'd rather give up their computer or tv" and not surprisingly they said "tv".

and just one last note; the chilling "previously on lost..." voice that opens each episode, though slightly slowed down, was actually braun's voice.

online, as we all know, people present themselves as they want to be, not necessarily as they are in real life. we behave in ways we wish we could in reality. that's why i think many people online prefer staying anonymous * because if a friend saw what we wrote, they might mock us, saying, "that's not really you. what's with all this stuff? you're faking!"

but when you fall in love with that person online, you're giving them a chance to become the person they actually want to be. it's like saying, "i fell in love with 'the person' you introduced me to, so if you can actually be that person too, then come here, darling."

some succeed, some don't, and give up. i think what matters is giving that chance to ourselves and to the other person in hopes of meeting somewhere in reality.

i absolutely hate shopping. but if i had serious cash, i'm hiring a personal stylist and just living my life without a care. no more stressing about what to wear. i mean, why should i be thinking? i'm literally paying not to think, that's their job. i'm rich, baby. rich!

one of those books that opened a whole new window to my view of life. i started looking at mice, dolphins, and even the plants around me in a completely different way. i also feel the need to give a shout-out to those dusty pages with the meat-eating conversation at the restaurant at the end of the universe, and that hilarious bit about the robots going offline because of arthur's demand for the perfect tea :)

(and no, i'm not even gonna dive into the whole 42 thing). also i dedicated the limeguide footer note to this masterpiece:

"creating limeguide is our desperate attempt to make "the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy" a real thing --minus the intergalactic hitchhiking... for now."

even though i have zero interest in computers, technology, or programming, i've read both his book and many of the essays on his website, some of them even twice. he's an investor, programmer, and writer, and i feel like his essays touch on topics that appeal to a wide audience. but what stands out even more than the topics is the flow of logic in his writing. it's like watching a stone rolling downhill in the world of possibilities; every cause-and-effect relationship just falls into place naturally.

i absolutely admire the way this guy thinks. pay attention to how he analyzes problems in his talks. first, there's a "hmm," then he asks a few really simple, almost childlike questions; ones that others might dismiss as overly basic. but that's exactly how he comes up with objective analyses, unclouded by trends of the day. i don't recall him using many buzzwords, probably because he avoids thinking within the limits of meanings and values that people impose on words.

heisenberg's life was quite interesting. he was the scientist in charge of the nuclear weapons project in germany during world war ii. by the end of the war, not much progress had been made in this area in germany. the reason, as he later mentioned, was heisenberg's reluctance to build an atomic weapon. the german team could have actually gone much further; in fact, heisenberg knew exactly what needed to be done, as claimed, but his conscience wouldn't allow it.

to make matters even more intense, when the americans found out that heisenberg was working on an atomic bomb in germany, they panicked and attempted to assassinate him while he was teaching in switzerland (1944).

in the class, moe berg (a baseball coach who was hired as an assassin) was listening to heisenberg and concluded that the bomb wouldn't be developed anytime soon, so he left the meeting without killing heisenberg.