magician 1st generation author

being caught between the "need" to fit into the life around us, (avoiding exclusion), and this surmountable "desire" to stay true to our essence gnawing at us inside is, i think one of the biggest problems we face. basically, what we want is at odds with what we need, rather than being complementary.

plus, this exclusion is serious and can be more devastating than a child being left out of a game. hence, we live in this strange `cancel culture `where exclusion is announced to everyone and their granny.

yet, the silent destruction happening within a person who cannot live authentically goes completely unnoticed, thus receiving no attention because it is invisible. it's a game we all know, but one we collectively agree to play in order to maintain our societal sanity at the detriment of our individual mental health.

so the question becomes the reverse: what are the biggest problems humans are having with modernity?

if i fall asleep right this second, how many hours will i have slept by the time i wake up? okay, even if i don't sleep right now but manage to doze off in 10 minutes, how many hours will that be? if only i had fallen asleep 30 minutes ago, i'd have already slept for x hours by now.. and so on, doing these completely pointless and useless calculations has kept me awake for hours more times than i'd like to admit.

so, i had to attend this client meeting, which i normally wouldn't go to, but they wanted my input on some questions. and there was this client i'd known for ages, super good at his job, but for some weird reason we just never clicked. you know how sometimes you just don't vibe with someone for no apparent reason? that was us.

while we're talking through his questions, his phone keeps ringing. he kept apologizing and either silencing it or declining calls. then when it rang again, he said, "i need to take this one."

as soon as he started talking, it became clear to everyone at the table that it was his daughter on the line... and get this: right there at the meeting table, this guy said "i love you" three times with the most adorable smile on his face. yep, it was a short conversation, just a few seconds, but he said "i love you" three whole times.

from that moment on, i don't know if i managed to hide how impressed i was, but all my prejudices about him just vanished into thin air. on top of the respect i already had for his professional success, a whole bunch of new feelings got added to the mix.

when i left the room, i found myself thinking: when was the last time i told my own kids i loved them out loud? and i'll admit, i couldn't remember. feeling a bit ashamed, i immediately tried to call them both. neither of them picked up (probably in class). but i was determined, i'll tell them when they're out, and i'm not stopping there. from now on, i'm saying it every single day, no matter what.

"i love you" is such a magical phrase - even just hearing someone else say it to someone else makes the world feel more beautiful somehow. loving fathers, loved daughters, loving partners, loved friends, loving mothers, loved sons; what a beautiful little detail in life, amidst all the horrible things going on in the world.

if you love someone, tell them. say it often, while you can. that's what i'll be doing from now on.

i'm sitting in my favorite armchair in the living room, staring blankly at the wall in front of me. i turn on the radio, keeping the volume low. these days, my head can't handle loud music anymore. the song playing doesn't matter - i just want some background noise, that's all.

i'm thinking... what am i going to do now? what will the new city be like? when will i actually start following through on all these new decisions i've made? and so on.

just as i'm thinking these thoughts, the song on the radio changes. a moment ago, i had no idea what was playing, but now this rhythm feels so familiar. all the thoughts in my head disappear, and my entire attention is caught in the song's rhythm. in the singer's voice, in the breaths between sentences.

thank you, radio. thank you, tom waits. once again, all my thoughts have drifted away. once more, i've been swept up in the rhythms, and tonight, i've forgotten everything.

here i am, writing this entry with teary eyes in the early morning because of this game. i was already loaded with unnecessary emotions tonight. i figured i'd log into the game, do some random quest or whatever, just to distract my mind.

i was rescuing this guy from the dungeons during a mission. after saving him, i noticed there were other prisoners in the same dungeon. since i had rescued him in some random castle in the middle of nowhere, i thought i might as well save the others too. so i killed everyone in the castle, thinking "who's gonna feed these guys anyway?" then i unlocked all the cells, and they scattered everywhere.

i turned around and saw this nord guy - looked kinda scruffy but decent. i'd thrown some useless clothes from my inventory on the ground. suddenly, this dude jumps in front of me and says something like, "bro, sorry. if those clothes aren't important, could i take them? my stuff is a mess."

the screen gave me two dialogue options: "don't you dare touch my stuff" and "sure, bro. no problem." i let him take the clothes, and i swear his eyes just lit up. he immediately bent down, picked up all those crappy clothes i'd thrown away, put them on, and looked totally happy.

i saved the game and quit immediately. damn poverty, man.

this happened ages ago, i'd made plans to go to the tribeca film festival with a friend i met online. we exchanged phone numbers on msn and set a date for the film.

the next day, an hour before the meeting, i called to check our status. the phone was busy. i figured he must be working. while heading towards the cinema, i called again, still busy. i tried three or four more times, always busy.

after about five or six failed attempts, i was convinced i'd been ditched. my inner monologue went into overdrive, drafting the righteous lecture i'd deliver on messenger the next day. i started with responsibility, moved on to basic respect for others, and the more i thought about it, the angrier i got. my imagined speech got harsher with each step toward the cinema.

i'm walking to the cinema, fuming, when an unknown number calls. "hey, what's up? i'm at the cinema." i was completely stunned. my entire dramatic narrative just fell apart. then i checked the number i'd been calling. turns out, the number i saved from msn was my own number. yup, i'd been angrily calling myself the whole time.

sometimes i pull such epic stupidity and then get mad about it. sorry not sorry :/

paul graham is a pretty fascinating guy who's done a lot across different fields. he studied philosophy at cornell, got a phd in computer science from harvard, and even took up painting at the rhode island school of design and the accademia di belle arti in florence. it's not every day you see someone who can write about programming languages and also critique renaissance art.

in 1995, he co-founded viaweb, a service that let people create their own online stores, which was a big deal at the time. they coded it in lisp (of course) and took advantage of its flexibility to iterate quickly.

one of my favorite stories about him comes from this period; graham got the idea for viaweb after hearing a radio segment about netscape's vision of ecommerce. he was low on cash but determined not to return to consulting. instead, he teamed up with his old hacker buddy, robert morris, to build software that ran directly on a web server without needing to be downloaded, an idea no one had tried before. the company eventually sold to yahoo for around 50 million dollars.

in 2005, after a talk he gave at the harvard computer society sparked a strong reaction, he co-founded y combinator. yc has helped launch companies like dropbox, reddit, and airbnb, so it's been incredibly influential in the tech world. the program provides funding, advice, and mentorship to startups.

he's also an incredible writer, publishing essays on topics like programming, startups, art, and even life itself. that's what makes him not just a brilliant mind but also an inspiring figure. if you ever get the chance, dive into his essays, they're as thought-provoking as they are practical.

paul graham's essays
my favorite lecture of paul graham

online, as we all know, people present themselves as they want to be, not necessarily as they are in real life. we behave in ways we wish we could in reality. that's why i think many people online prefer staying anonymous * because if a friend saw what we wrote, they might mock us, saying, "that's not really you. what's with all this stuff? you're faking!"

but when you fall in love with that person online, you're giving them a chance to become the person they actually want to be. it's like saying, "i fell in love with 'the person' you introduced me to, so if you can actually be that person too, then come here, darling."

some succeed, some don't, and give up. i think what matters is giving that chance to ourselves and to the other person in hopes of meeting somewhere in reality.

i got to know him this year (see: eurovision 2024). he is my absolute winner. i like it when such things happen in the least expected moments. i wasn't expecting much from eurovision in terms of discovering songs to listen to over and over again, to lose myself in them. they made us get used to seeing shows & dances rather than pure, naked songs.

ok, enough complaining! this guy absolutely blew my mind. i don't even remember how many times i've listened to that song "mon amour" to this day, and his special performance where he does that acapella thing is something you gotta see.

and let's not skip the crucial part of his performance; his eyes * what lovely-looking eyes those are. it's been a while since i've come across someone who "looks" like him.

i've already become a fan, and he has great songs other than mon amour, here are my favorite ones belle, la recette, je te le done, viens on s'aime and mon amie la rose and much more... check his spotify!!

good things are like russian nesting dolls; they come with more good things within. as i ended up discovering more french artists, both old & new whom there was no way i'd discover otherwise. oh thanks to spotify's recommendations!

we witnessed yet another historic engineering miracle. they managed to stop a massive rocket, 70 meters tall and 9 meters in diameter, in mid-air and catch it using two arms mounted on a tower.

and while doing this, we watched the entire adventure, including the one-hour journey 200 km above the earth, in full hd. (see: here you go)thanks to the hundreds of satellites they've placed into low orbit over the years, all communication was handled via starlink.

we saw the cheers of hundreds of young engineers. that joy wasn't just about witnessing history, it was about making history.

the year i was in junior high (at the time, making jokes and trying to roast the teachers was my life's mission), our english teacher asked a question and scanned the classroom for someone to answer.

i actually knew the answer for once (which didn't happen often throughout my school life), so to outshine my classmates, i said, 'mrs. johnson, are you looking for me? i'm right here!' to which she replied, 'i'm afraid not...' that response hurt more than the worst insult i've ever heard. it must've really gotten to me because even now, whenever i think about it, it still gives me chills.